New York State of Mind

Ahh, the fabulous and hilarious Tina Fey.  If I'm ever having a bad day, I just put on a Tivoed 30 Rock.  My favorite?  When Tina's brilliant character, Liz Lemon, dresses up as Princess Leia and uses a kooky voice to get out of jury duty in New York. Liz to the judge, "And I don't think it's fair that I'm on jury duty, because I'm technically I'm a hologram." The judge's answer? "You seem fine to me, report to Jury Room B." Then she responds to the bailiff, "Excuse me, imperial guard, how long do these arson trials typically last?"  Liz asks in her voice.  "Normally a couple weeks, and you can drop the voice."  Liz exasperated responds, "Ugh these kinds of tactics used to get me out of jury duty in Chicago all the time."  The guard responds, "This isn't Chicago honey, look at these people."

I grew up in New York, okay, not New York, New York, but upstate.  Yes, three hours north of the city, practically the back woods to most New Yorkers. I moved west at the tender age of twenty-one, always feeling a strong connection to the Pacific, more so than my home state.  I'm blonde and blue eyed, most people in New York are not. They tend to be darker Italian, eastern European, or black Irish.  People, growing up, told me I didn't seem to fit, that I was more the laid back, surfer girl type.  So I left.  In search of greener pastures and blonder people. Over the years, I've moved from Oregon to Washington, and spent time in California, I love the west coast.  It is beautiful and I love the lifestyle.   However as I spend more and more time away from New York, I realize I might leave New York, but New York will never leave me.

People talk about the energy of New York, and it is true.  I love the city.  I know it sounds strange, but a New York summer night, with the heat, humidity, loud noises, and bright lights coupled with the crazies and smell of pee just makes me smile.  The pulse and vibe makes you feel alive.  There is more sensory stimulation happening all at once, than Hunter S. Thompson in Las Vegas.  It is a experience not said, but done.

On the eve before I head to New York for my annual trip home, I've been thinking about the state of my birth. Upstate is beautiful, tons of lakes, rolling hills (NYers call them mountains), and trees.  I love the mom and pop businesses everywhere, especially the homemade ice cream shops on most corners. There are incredible restaurants.  I grew up eating amazing food of all kinds from gourmet Italian to homestyle turkey dinners. People genuinely love having fun and care about you. I haven't lost touch with some of my best friends, and when we hang out, ten years might have passed, but it feels like we were together yesterday.

I'm heading home to say goodbye to my sister, seeing all the people that mattered to us growing up.   We decided to center this trip around what would have been her 32nd birthday. The last time I was in New York City was with my sister three years ago for a wedding, and the last time I was in our home town was for her 25th birthday. This trip is different,; it feels different. In many ways I'm scared and dreading the whole experience.  Traveling across the country is never fun, but with two kids alone, and one of them autistic, it is daunting. Combine that with the emotional toll of my sister's memorial, it is down right terrifying.

But as I think of New York, a city where people will accept you as a Princess Leia hologram, I know I can do it. I've gotten this far, traveled across country alone, moved to places where I knew no one and had nothing.  New York gave me my toughness and strength, and most importantly perseverance.  So look out New York, I'm coming home.

“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.” ~Tom Wolfe